I have had two instances of sheer exhaustion in the last week that scared me a little bit.
First: Earlier this week I went to a Professional Development in Manhattan. This meant taking the train in, lots of steps, subway, standing, walking a few blocks. Then after a whole day in a meeting repeating the same process in reverse. There is no doubt that at my current health this was pushing the boundaries of what I am capable of. Here's the problem. I got on the wrong train on the way back home and didn't realize it until the conductor told me.
I must have looked a wreck because she explained real slow how I was going to get back to the primary station and where I would need to go to catch the next train to my house, she then wrote me a note on the back of my ticket for the next conductor. I almost gave up. I was so tired and just couldn't see doing anymore, but it was the one day in the week when DawnMarie gets a break and I do all the shuttle service. I try real hard to honor her space and time.
Second: I went to see Isabella play her last game of the soccer season yesterday (I used to see all the games but it has been to much as of late). I then stopped by the hospital to visit a friend and when that was done Bradley had a birthday party. Before even arriving at the party I was whipped. I tried to participate (you know stand around the edges of the party and talk to people you don't know about stuff that's not really important), but it just wasn't working well and I started to get grumpy. So I went to the car and chilled.
It is hard to set limits for oneself particularly when you are a Crump and when you are stubborn (those two things seem to go hand in hand). No one likes to admit their limitations, I find this particularly difficult when doing so means "letting down" someone else. I think though that sometimes its just going to have to be about me.
First: Earlier this week I went to a Professional Development in Manhattan. This meant taking the train in, lots of steps, subway, standing, walking a few blocks. Then after a whole day in a meeting repeating the same process in reverse. There is no doubt that at my current health this was pushing the boundaries of what I am capable of. Here's the problem. I got on the wrong train on the way back home and didn't realize it until the conductor told me.
I must have looked a wreck because she explained real slow how I was going to get back to the primary station and where I would need to go to catch the next train to my house, she then wrote me a note on the back of my ticket for the next conductor. I almost gave up. I was so tired and just couldn't see doing anymore, but it was the one day in the week when DawnMarie gets a break and I do all the shuttle service. I try real hard to honor her space and time.
Second: I went to see Isabella play her last game of the soccer season yesterday (I used to see all the games but it has been to much as of late). I then stopped by the hospital to visit a friend and when that was done Bradley had a birthday party. Before even arriving at the party I was whipped. I tried to participate (you know stand around the edges of the party and talk to people you don't know about stuff that's not really important), but it just wasn't working well and I started to get grumpy. So I went to the car and chilled.
It is hard to set limits for oneself particularly when you are a Crump and when you are stubborn (those two things seem to go hand in hand). No one likes to admit their limitations, I find this particularly difficult when doing so means "letting down" someone else. I think though that sometimes its just going to have to be about me.
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