Friday, March 7, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
The calm after the evenings snow is always something that I enjoy. There is something about sheets of brilliant white unadulterated by footprints and tire tracks that reminds me of how close We are to the universe and God (no I have not been drinking).
Today's mild brush with Mother Nature reminded me that we must embrace serenity in the odd moments where we find it. The truth is we just don't know when the next moment will come along. So it's no wonder when we find ourselves rushing rushing rushing from one thing to the next that we soon find ourselves feeling harried and exhausted.
The fact is life is hard but if we stand any chance of making it from this day to the next we must take those moments of serenity that exists around us and embrace them with everything we have when they happen.
So next time you see that crescent moon or hear the beautiful silence of a dew touched morning, put down that trash bag, groceries, or your work readied bags and enjoy it for a moment.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Saturday, March 1, 2014
[Sometimes I feel like there isn't much to smile about. Generally I try to keep those thoughts to myself though (and just keep smiling) because I know my depression scares some people and worries others.]
My theory in August was that by writing about all these things I could insulate DawnMarie from being my only outlet. That by sharing perhaps I would be unburdening myself with all the emotions and uncertainty. And perhaps, just perhaps, someone else might find something of value in my journey that will help them.
At this point I don't know if its really worth it. My relationship with food gets more conflicted every day that passes and my desire to force feed myself to meet an arbitrary calorie baseline is waning. While I certainly know more now then I did in August that knowledge has gotten me no closer to a cure or even an acceptable explanation for my non ECD symptoms.
There is still no reason fro my weight loss or even a plan in place to solve this problem. There are many unanswered questions about my blood, platelet, and IGA issues. There is no consensus about what to do with my enlarged spleen, other then to avoid contact sports. This doesn't even address what the future of my life with ECD will be like?
The immediate future looks like a long series of nonproductive doctors visits that will simply waste my sick days and provide me with no tangible relief. At this point I want to throw out the scale, stop talking to doctors, and just ignore the whole thing.