Renewal

Winter with its long dark nights and snow covered roads has passed. The trees are still bare but if one looks close renewal has begun. In the yard tulips are blooming, fresh buds have appeared on the beech trees, and the quiet harmony of the morning birds have returned to our street.

Things are certainly blossoming for our family. We are but a week or two away from receiving final approval for our 800 sq. ft. addition (which will give us the additional bedrooms we desperately need). I am expecting to hear about a doctoral program I have applied to and I am seriously considering some new opportunities that have been presented to me recently. Soccer season has kicked into high gear and the long hot days of summer are certainly not far away.

My health, which last year at this time looked dire has stabilized. After a year and what seems like countless doctors visits things seem to be coming under control (as much as one can control a disease that is idiopathic in nature, has no cure, and is rare).

My daily Kineret shots seem to be holding the ECD from progressing, my Creon pills have restored my food options to 80% of what it was before (the other 20% consists of things I should not be eating anyways), and the nightly magnesium supplement strips most of my bone pain/muscle soreness away.

The winter has passed! Spring has begun, but I cant shake the personal notion that the dark and cold are not that far off. I can't stop thinking that the means of my death lives in me. I carry it around with me every day. I nourish it with every bite I take. I am the host of my own demise.

Please don't think that I am depressed, I am not. I am just finding the transition from crisis to long term management harder to make then I expected. Perhaps though the longer days and the warmth of spring will free me from my own worst enemy, myself.