I truly despise prednisone for the way it affects my mood. I am pretty sure the prednisone is what is causing me to be tired, snappy and sometimes just plain mean. Just yesterday I honked at a woman for letting people cut into our lane in front of her, which resulted in us getting stuck when the light turned red again (and I don't mean one short beep either).
Today i turned the car around on the way to IKEA, went home and dropped off my whole family (some might say that I kicked them out of the car). The scary thing is I was still mad for like three hours. This is not like me! I do not normally behave this way! Sure I can sometimes be abrasive and have rarely been known for holding my tongue, but I'm not a mean or angry person.
What concerns me most is where does the prednisone stop and Brad begin? How would I know what is truly me and what is caused by my medication? I am currently on a predisone weaning schedule to remove the drug from my system, but what if I stay angry when the prednisone is gone? What if I can't wean off of it all the way? I've noticed that the less I take the more pain I feel and I'm worried I may get stuck on some low maintenance dose.
I think the worse part is that my wife takes the brunt of most of my moods and she certainly doesn't deserve it. I feel guilty because I know that at some level I should be able to do better, to be better!
Drugs are a necessary evil at this point in my disease process but I pray for a day when there will be no pills to pop or shots to take.
Today i turned the car around on the way to IKEA, went home and dropped off my whole family (some might say that I kicked them out of the car). The scary thing is I was still mad for like three hours. This is not like me! I do not normally behave this way! Sure I can sometimes be abrasive and have rarely been known for holding my tongue, but I'm not a mean or angry person.
What concerns me most is where does the prednisone stop and Brad begin? How would I know what is truly me and what is caused by my medication? I am currently on a predisone weaning schedule to remove the drug from my system, but what if I stay angry when the prednisone is gone? What if I can't wean off of it all the way? I've noticed that the less I take the more pain I feel and I'm worried I may get stuck on some low maintenance dose.
I think the worse part is that my wife takes the brunt of most of my moods and she certainly doesn't deserve it. I feel guilty because I know that at some level I should be able to do better, to be better!
Drugs are a necessary evil at this point in my disease process but I pray for a day when there will be no pills to pop or shots to take.
Hang in there, Brad! I have several friends/family members on medication, and that eternal question always looms. Just know that everyone needs a dose of grace, including yourself. Just remember that when you come to, seize the opportunity to express love, repentance, and gratitude. That will far outweigh some out-of-character grumpiness...
ReplyDeleteAlso, you should set up your blog to post to FB. It might make it easier for people to comment. I know blogging can be a lonely world, sometimes...
The more grace you give to yourself... the more others will benefit too.
ReplyDelete