I broke the barrier to 1500 calories for the first time in months today. I have been working on increasing my calories for the last month in an effort to slow down my weight loss, with some success. Today for the first time in a long time I ate a substantial amount of calories (in 8 small meals over the course of the day). What resulted was some really bad stomach pain after dinner and my pancreatic pain is high right now.
I think I lie to myself sometimes that everything is okay. I mean I get up and I go to work, I take the kids to soccer practice, I preach on Sunday, I cook, I'm healthy and normal. Right! But I'm not healthy and normal. This is lame... I don't want to have to deal with this. What I want is to be chubby care free Brad again. This version of me sucks.
You can say all you want about how I am a better spouse, Pastor, father, because of this but I can't hear that right now. What I want is to be able to go to dinner with my family and order a meal, then relax afterwords. I want my wife to think about our future and not cry. I want to know...for sure...that there is a future for me.
PAIN/THIS SUCKS!
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| feeling pathetic |
I think I lie to myself sometimes that everything is okay. I mean I get up and I go to work, I take the kids to soccer practice, I preach on Sunday, I cook, I'm healthy and normal. Right! But I'm not healthy and normal. This is lame... I don't want to have to deal with this. What I want is to be chubby care free Brad again. This version of me sucks.
You can say all you want about how I am a better spouse, Pastor, father, because of this but I can't hear that right now. What I want is to be able to go to dinner with my family and order a meal, then relax afterwords. I want my wife to think about our future and not cry. I want to know...for sure...that there is a future for me.
PAIN/THIS SUCKS!
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