Feeling Small

What is it about larger then life objects that we like so much? I think the answer may simply be their funny looking and therefore fun to play with but what if the answer is more complex? What if there is something about these large chairs, tooth brushes, and clothes pins that we find soothing because they make us feel childlike, make us feel small?

Giant Deck Chair at Olympia Hands On Museum

I don't know about you but I like feeling like I'm a kid sometimes. That's why going home is so nice because for just a little while your the kid again and your parents are in charge. There are no clothes to wash, no meals to prepare or dishes to be done, and most importantly there are no decisions to be made.

It occurs to me that the reason everyone says men are such babies when they are sick is because of this same phenomenon. When were sick we get to feel protected, nurtured and get the pleasure of having someone else care for us! I have to say it's nice to feel cared for.

The truth is that life can be hard and being an adult certainly comes with its own set of challenges (mortgages, bills, marriages, children etc.). Perhaps we all need a break from the big realities of life and we should take those breaks whenever we can find them. So go ahead and revel at the Huge Shuttlecocks installed in Kansas City, MO. or have fun using your Giant Pencil (you know the one you got as a joke but have never been able to throw away), because sometimes we just need a break from the large shadow life casts.

Prednisone = dEVIL

I truly despise prednisone for the way it affects my mood. I am pretty sure the prednisone is what is causing me to be tired, snappy and sometimes just plain mean. Just yesterday I honked at a woman for letting people cut into our lane in front of her, which resulted in us getting stuck when the light turned red again (and I don't mean one short beep either). 

Today i turned the car around on the way to IKEA, went home and dropped off my whole family (some might say that I kicked them out of the car). The scary thing is I was still mad for like three hours. This is not like me! I do not normally behave this way! Sure I can sometimes be abrasive and have rarely been known for holding my tongue, but I'm not a mean or angry person.

 What concerns me most is where does the prednisone stop and Brad begin? How would I know what is truly me and what is caused by my medication? I am currently on a predisone weaning schedule to remove the drug from my system, but what if I stay angry when the prednisone is gone? What if I can't wean off of it all the way? I've noticed that the less I take the more pain I feel and I'm worried I may get stuck on some low maintenance dose.

I think the worse part is that my wife takes the brunt of most of my moods and she certainly doesn't deserve it. I feel guilty because I know that at some level I should be able to do better, to be better!

Drugs are a necessary evil at this point in my disease process but I pray for a day when there will be no pills to pop or shots to take.

The Elephant In The Room

Had a good friend drop by today for a few hours just to hang out. The best part was that he started the conversation with, "so tell me about the elephant" (referring of course to my ECD). I would guess that people often want to ask how others are doing with their personal issues, whatever they may be and just don't know how to start the conversation.

As a Pastor I have never had this problem, it seems to be expected that I will speak with people about the most personal moments of their lives. I have learned a few things though that might help.

First, people are pretty good at explaining their own limits, meaning if they don't want to talk about it they will let you know.

Second, most people are desperately seeking for someone to show they care.

Third, we often think that people are probably already being cared for, talked to, or helped by someone else. This is normally not true!

So what did I say when asked about how I was doing? I gave him an update, talked about my frustrations, shared my concerns, and explained I looked forward to the PET scan I have scheduled for 9/5 because it will define the extent to which this disease process has spread (or not). Are things great for me right now? Not really, but talking about it doesn't change me or hurt me. What it does do is let me see that people care.

Show people you care this week by sharing in their life (both the good and bad).

Blog Information

I just wanted to let everyone know I appreciate all the comments, thoughts, prayers, and concerns. I have change the comments section of the Blog to make commenting easier. So go ahead and share your thoughts. Send me an email if your having problems commenting and I will try to fix it, bradleycrump2@gmail.com .

Insomnia and Randy Pausch

I was having a bad case of insomnia last night, didn't get to sleep until 4am. I couldn't get past the feeling that I'm going to die soon. So I googled inspirational deaths (a little odd I know) and this video by Randy Pausch came up. He was a professor at Carnegie Mellon and this is his "last lecture". It is well worth the time spent to watch or if you would rather it is available in book form.

Link: http://youtu.be/ji5_MqicxSo

How are you doing...FINE!

How are you doing...fine.

How are you doing...fine.

How are you doing...fine.

Bad day today so I'm going to rant.

I find that I am to easily swayed by changes in plan and in other peoples moods. I planned to set my classroom up today but they were waxing the floor so that threw my schedule out of whack.  As for peoples moods, at some level I know that we should all care how other people are feeling but at some point I think you just have to let it go. The problem is it starts to make me mad! I think, "your wasting a day being grumpy and rude and who knows how many days we have". Because seriously we don't know how many days we have left.

I'm fine right now. That's what I tell people anyways when they ask because what else are you going to say right! The truth is my stomach hurts when I eat to much food, so eat less food you say but I'm loosing to much weight....so there lies the rub (funny old saying right). Also my hips and back are hurting again, but we can't do anything about that other then tolerate it so why complain. Finally, I hate Prednisone but I just found out I wont be off of it until the end of November.

How are you doing...fine...in the big scheme of surviving and living with things. If your dealing with a rare disease or are surviving/fighting cancer then you probably know what I mean. If not... then I'm fine.

 What do you say when the answer is actually very complicated? I need some help on this one.

Insulted by a Walrus

When a giant Walrus sticks its tongue out at you its hard not to smile. Now if a person stuck out their tongue at you you probably wouldn't get upset (because that's just a crazy thing to do), but there are other things people do that make us sad, mad, and yes even angry.

Walrus - Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium

I could be something simple like not acknowledging the large role you play in the success of your workplace or it might be something small like a perceived slight. The fact is we far to often let other peoples actions determine our reaction!

How many of you have a family member that is really good at stirring up trouble? You know who I am talking about right. If we can all name the person and we all know what they do then why do multiple people in one family let that person stir the pot by listening to them?

How about that coworker that just seems to rub everyone the wrong way? You know who I am talking about, the one who is always late to meetings then without having any idea whats going on loudly proclaims their viewpoint in such a way that implies your stupid if you disagree.

Imagine if every time someone did something to offend you instead of getting angry you just imagined my friend here the walrus, sticking his tongue out.

But its different you say, because these people are effecting your life, your, family, your ability to earn money! Only because you let them! No one can force us to react unless we choose to, remember that.

TEAM Work

I took the kids to the Tillamook Cheese Factory recently where I snapped this picture of the production line. For those of you who don't know this small dairy cooperative in Oregon produces some really amazing cheese. Interestingly just moments after taking this photo the whole line came to a stop. As we walked further on we saw that the whole line had come to a stop because of one person (the cheese wrapper) was having difficulty keeping up. The consequence, every person on the line was forced to stop their work. Withing thirty seconds though there were two more people helping this person get caught up.

Cheese Production Line

Ever since I got sick the people at First United Presbyterian Church of Queens Village have done an amazing job of making sure that everything continues to run as it should. My medicine has left me more susceptible to getting infections so they have made sure that everyone who is sick gets visited by someone else. They know I get tired easy and have made sure I don't need to take out the trash, move tables, or rearrange chairs (Pastor's do that type of stuff just in case you didn't know).

They are my extended family and an amazing group of people. Yet our growth over the last two year has nothing to do with how nice they are or how compelling my Sermon's are every Sunday. We are successful because we work together as a TEAM always keeping our eye on the Lord. In our church that means always being a servant, helping the needy, and welcoming the least of these.

Just like the TEAM at the Tilamook Cheese Factory we know that it only takes one person crashing to take the whole system down, so we support each other. Who do you support that helps keep your system (life) going? Could you be doing more?

We Love To Hate

My brother and I rarely see eye to eye, as long as I can remember it has always been that way. We're not allowed to play cards against each other (by my Wife's decree), once we had a wrestling match over the safety of roundabouts, and don't even get us started on the safety of retirement benefits. I'm not sure why, but we just can't seem to back down from an argument when we both believe we are correct. I should hate him for this right!

Air Hockey at Chuck E Cheese

But look...here he is on his knee's playing air hockey with my son. The same guy who can't let me win an argument let my son destroy him at air hockey. I watched the whole thing from my chair ( I was having a bad day ) and when he got up I could tell his knees and back were bothering him but he stilled played games with him for another hour. That's not the actions of a bad person.

You see no one is perfect, in fact I am willing to bet that your not perfect! So why do we expect everyone else we interact with to be better people then we ourselves are capable of being?

Marriage and Erdheim-Chester Disease

Later today my sister is going to marry this man, Robert Owens. They will be married in a wonderful little ceremony this evening surrounded by family and friends. How do I know the service will be wonderful you may ask, because I am the one doing it. It is a privileged to officiate this wedding, after all it is not every day that you get to bless your own sisters marriage before God and Family.



 I look forward to today and all that it brings, but my role in their marriage will quickly end. They will have to deal with everything that happens after today, like the blending of their two families and the mingling of their lives desires. They will get to explore to limits of stress one can put on a relationship and relish the moments of pure joy that can be found in daily mundane tasks. They will grow old together as long as they continue to make the others desires their first priority.

 Will they make it? I think so...what proof have I you ask? When confronted with the opportunity to register for gifts, to increase their personal collection of possessions, or take cards full of cash home they said no. Instead at their wedding, on their day they have decided to raise money to help find a cure for my illness (Erdheim-Chester Disease).

What God wouldn't bless a union founded in such Charity?

If you would like to make a donation to help find a cure for Erdheim-Chester Disease you can do so at the following link. http://www.razoo.com/story/Ecd-Global-Alliance

Neural Distress

Can't sleep, feeling a little down about my disease today. I know I have a good doctor and I know that I am lucky to have caught this disease process so early, but I keep getting this nagging feeling that the other shoe hasn't dropped yet and that no one really understands what I have, if I have it, or how to treat it.

Brad Crump

I used to be so confident in Dr.'s and I wish I could return to that time when they were omnipotent. Unfortunately, I now realize their just guessing half the time while talking a really good game.

I have a PET Scan coming up on the 9/5/13 and that will serve as a baseline for my ECD from which we will be able to monitor remission or expansion whatever the case may be. It will also show if the disease has spread beyond my pelvis and abdomen. I'm scared they'll find more growth and concerned that i will have to wait three more month's from that date to assess the effectiveness of the Kineret treatment I am on.

On a separate note my wife went back home a few days ago to help get ready for school and to chauffeur my oldest daughter around to soccer and her TACHS class and I am a little crazy without her around. She is my rock.

I hope this feeling passes soon I don't like the way my brain is working right now.

Life Is Fleeting

Somethings in life seem grand and imposing. For instance when Washington became the 42nd State to join the union in 1889 I am sure it felt like quite a moment. In fact the new Capitol that was constructed uses the number 42 many times in its construction to remind visitors of the importance of this number. Below you'll see my family climbing the 42 steps to the entrance of the Capitol building.

Washington State Capitol

Soon after becoming the 42nd State there was a new flag created with 42 stars. I am sure that many Washingtonians had ever intention of getting their hands on one of these new flags when just a few months later Idaho became the 43 state admitted to the union and the 42 star flag stopped being created. Washington State in fact only has six of these flags in its collection because they hadn't made their first large purchase before the 42 star flag was discontinued.

42 Star Flag in Capitol Reception Room

Fact is we never know how long anything in life is gonna last so make the most of every day because there is nothing worse then wishing you had done something when you can no longer do it.

Whimsy

Whimsy is something that far to many adults don't let into their lives, but kids they engage in whimsy all the time. When was the last time you gave yourself the time or latitude to be extravagant, playful, or engage in a fantastic notion. Sounds fun doesn't it!

Look at our children, they can take a empty box and turn it into a rocket ship or a castle. With just a crayon and their imagination they are transported from the living room to the inside of a interstellar spaceship or a knights castle. They can do this because they are willing to engage in whimsy with no fear of how they will be seen by others.

When was the last time you skipped instead of walking, ditched a meeting to go to the beach, or rode on a mermaid horse.

Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium - Tacoma, WA.

  Whimsy doesn't die in us unless we let it. Don't let it ...